JONMALEK.com

I get these boughts from time to time where as if I’m lost, as if I fit in my surroundings yet I don’t quite belong. As if I’m playing the biggest trick on everyone by fooling them into believing I belong where I am! Its not a case of a lack of satisfaction, or a lack of happiness, or shame of the life I’m in. Its as if I’ve been kidnapped from some other era and thrown into the 20th/21st century. Even though I’m not a social outkast and have a fairly ‘normal’ social life, I’ve always felt as if I’ve been drifting just on the outskirts of social life, spending more time watching & studying than I have in partaking in. Perhaps thats why my life choice has been to study history than, say, make history. Sometimes they’re fleeting moments where I take a step back stunned, as if I’ve come out of a trance stuttering “where am I? what am I doing here? what kind of world have I stumbled into?” I think I’d be narcissistic to think I’m the only one this happens too, of course, but its intriguing enough to me to be blog-able.

I seem to have fooled people into thinking that I am in fact a blogger - but alas I am not! Blogging is very difficult, though; no, really it is. Its a lot different than writing in a personal diary that you know nobody will read. Thus you are free to put down anything you want: your thoughts, your feelings, your believes, your distastes, your hatreds, your loves…&c. And undoubtedly some stuff in your diary you would not want anyone to read, ever, either because they are your deepest of dark secrets or because it would hurt the person reading it. With a blog you don’t have that confidentiality. I wouldn’t trust anyone who is a blogger, when it comes to any self-reflection, because they know somebodies going to be reading it. And if they aren’t embellishing something to improve their net-image then they may be hiding certain things to maintain their net-image. Or, perhaps they are being completely open and honest with their self and others. But thats a gamble you don’t really have to take with a diary.

Being the Loki that I am, I just blogged a paragraph on the faults of blogging.